losing confidence

Yeah it happens, especially when I pretty much bike on my own, eat on my own, live on my own (sorry to my landlady here, who is an absolute legend and a good friend).
I have the internet, Twitter has given me some amazing friends, Facebook bores me rigid (and no doubt I bore my FB ‘friends’ rigid), and sometimes the only escape I have is my blog, oh yeah and a book or two (maybe 10).

I have this Sportif (LadyCat at Newbury Racecourse) on Sunday. I have no idea of anyone who is doing this – in fact some people have turned their noses up (fellow cyclists) – ‘oh well if I was there I would be doing the Magnificat, not the LadyCat.’ Er yeah, thanks for that, I’ve only just got started in the expensive lycra clad world of road cycling. I don’t have ‘kit’ that matches my bike – and to be frank I don’t care. I don’t have cleats – can’t afford them. I’m quite frankly a bit worried – I’m not overly fit, I’m kinda hoping I can get through it!

And it’s not just the cycling, I’m fair worried about doing this TdF thing. I don’t actually know if I can afford to do it, although the hotel in Paris is booked, as are the hotels in Pau.

Maybe it comes down to money, I don’t earn very much at all, and I don’t care who knows that. Working with racehorses pays a shitty weekly wage that barely covers the cost of living. Wonder how I afford my TdF trip? Pool Money. Please don’t tell me to move back to Andover unless you can give me the months rent upfront (mostly in excess of £400).

So for those of you sporting brand new, up to date kit/bikes/cars, lucky aren’t you! Please don’t shove it in my face – I do a more dangerous job than any of you!

A rant is a rant I suppose, but I’m still under confident about this Sportif issue! I doubt it really matters in the long term…

Somewhere I’m smiling 😛
Ciao

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2 thoughts on “losing confidence

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